Because I am a tool...

I am a bad blogger.

I posted this at the most excellent Howling Curmudgeons, but since I am not sure if anyone is still reading the thread, I am crossposting it here too. Not that anyone reads this. The subject was on dream teams, and dream stories in comics. Mine was Batman:

don't know if anyone is still reading this thread, but what the hell.

I am a huge Batman fan. Probably not a fanboy because I cannot quote every ish, and most of that 50's nuttiness kills me.

I want to write an extended Batman arc where Batman goes on vacation. Hell, call it "Batman on Vacation." Bruce is out fighting crime, sees something so horrible (let's say another variation on the parent's being killed before kid's own eyes), and gets really depressed about it. There are the obvious parallels to his creation, and Batman starts wondering if he is doing all he can. Batman starts to wonder if he can do more as Bruce Wayne changing the social conditions of crime (the broken window theory of crime). So rather than pull into himself even further (as seems to be the norm these days), he decides to take a vacation, and get some advice.

Bruce appoints Dick to play Batman for a while, because Gotham cannot be without Batman (a la "Prodigal"). He asks Dick's advice, Alfred's advice, then he goes and visits people. He starts with going to Barbara Gordon, dressed as Batman, and she berates him to take off the mask and talk to her. He then has one of those nice shadowy rooftop talks with James Gordon (as Batman obviously), where he has to ask all of his questions in a roundabout way to avoid spelling out the fact that he is Bruce Wayne (I work under the assumption that it is an unspoken fact that Gordon knows that Bruce is Batman, and that Batman knows that Gordon knows, but that for Gordon, Batman is the true identity, much in like with DKR Joker's thinking).

Then Batman goes on a roadtrip. He spends sometime talking with Superman, in Metropolis, as Bruce, on Superman's own terms. The highlight scene would be Bruce touring the Daily Planet (I assume he still owns it). Unable to talk to Clark directly without attracting suspicion Bruce uses some hypersonic thingamjig (can't remember where I saw that used) to tell Clark to meet him at this place at so-and-so time (but mostly so he has a chance to try out a new toy). Superman rushes over at the time in full costume, only to find Bruce relaxing with Superman floating over imperiously. Bruce tells Clark that he can change if he wants, which he does. Basically the two talk out the issue, with some Loeb-like captions having each describe the other (Batman on Superman: He is the most powerful being on the planet and also the most disciplined. He has to hold back to the merest fraction of his strengh just to shake my hand). We could also have a visit with J'onn and Diana for the hell of it.

Bruce should also get a chance to play with tech toys. You know, experiment with a utility belt that uses JLA teleporter tech to transport whatever tool he needs (much like Morrison's boom tube gauntlet in JLA: Classified 1) and the like. Also, I really want a scene where Bruce is getting Gotham updates from Dick and decides to visit him in the field. Bruce just puts on a plain mask and costume, and then goes bouncing around Gotham, actually happy with not having to bear the mantle of Batman. It surprises the hell out of Dick.

Meanwhile, in the middle of each ish, Dick should be patrolling, and it should be leading up to some huge catastrophe. I would prefer the creation of some new villains due to some minor thing that Dick misses (but that he just knows Bruce would have caught in time). Thus a big new threat goes down, and Bruce is forced to return as Batman. Meanwhile, he puts more funding into the GCPD, more into Arkham for rehabilition and security (because that place really needs it).

There's probably more to it, but I am embarassed that I wrote that much. Basically, the Batman/Gotham crimefighting scenes would all have the limited pallete that I loved on Rucka's Tec, while the Bruce on Vacation stuff would be wildly in color (particularly the Metropolis stuff, and maybe if he went to Oa or something ridiculous like that).

Crap, two more things.

Batman is with the JLA and they are caught in some sort trap. Batman communicates with Superman by having Superman listen to his heartbeat, and then transmitting a message to Superman in morse code, using the beats of his heart! That is just the sort of crazy shit I want to see right now. Batman could change the beating of his heart either chemically, or preferably through some Buddhist technique.

Also, I want a long series of Batman where the entire story is told through the common people/not superheroes. Sort of like the talking heads babble of DK2, but not so fragmented. Have an issue devoted to one, maybe two, characters telling the story. Perhaps at the last issue (say the twelfth) have it go back to Batman's head, and there is some strange reveal that changes the entire notion of the story being told.

Maybe I am a fanboy...

Yes, I am a tool. I plan to actually start blogging soon because I will have time, and because I have done more research (read more comics and other things).